dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
