Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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