My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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