the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
