Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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