Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
