Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
