Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
