cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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