well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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