So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
