so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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