Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no you cant smoke seaweed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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