there's paper in my vomit.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
