Cold hands, warm shart.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
