How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
