Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
