You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
