No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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