So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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