Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Randomize
