Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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