two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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