Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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