I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
