Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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