I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
