how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
