I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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