he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
