My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
