At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
