We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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