i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
