so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
