Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
