Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
