I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
