I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you never un-have a 4some
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
