final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
