I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
