So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
