so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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