Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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