Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
