Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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