Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
