Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
