she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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