your thong is hanging out like whoa
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
