I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
