everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
