Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
