god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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