Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You dont lie about slip and slides
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
