So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
