did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
