Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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