you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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